A Day In the Life of Me

Monday, October 09, 2006

A bit of inside my head

Ever feel like you are talking and no one can hear you? I get that feeling sometimes. I don't think it is the fault of anyone but myself, actually. I have a hard time saying exactly what I mean most of the time. I think part of my problem is not really thinking before letting it come out my mouth... it comes into my brain and on my lips before I can seemingly stop or revise it. I am pretty sure I have SAD... ya know, season depression? It was rainy for about 3-4 days and I just felt so unmotivated, like I was doing the same thing over and over and over and getting nowhere at it. I actually really enjoy fall and the beautiful colors it brings with the crisp air. I just don't like day after day of clouds and not going anywhere or doing anything outside of my house. I guess my dilemma is going to a dr about it... which I really do not want to do. I don't like going to dr's where they poke and prod at you and ask you questions you never thought you'd have to answer. And I can deal with the depression most of the time. I just have to make myself go outside (which is good because then my kids get outside and burn off some energy so they don't drive me quite so crazy being stir crazy inside). My mom is always one to put on a happy face no matter what when someone outside of our family is around her and I've kind of picked that up. Don't get me wrong, my mom is usually a very happy individual, but she has some kind of a switch... like I remember her being mad at us kids (undoubtedly deserved) and then the phone would ring and she'd take a breath, clear her voice, and answer in her usual cheery voice. I'm usually pretty good at putting up a front too. Ya know, the whole thing, fake it 'til you make it? I try to do that because wallowing in selfpity sure doesn't get me anywhere. Anyway, I usually don't make depressing posts like these because they can be pretty, well, depressing, but it really feels good to let my thoughts go through my fingers and see it in writing, so thanks for letting me get all this out. It's been good.