A bit of inside my head
Ever feel like you are talking and no one can hear you? I get that feeling sometimes. I don't think it is the fault of anyone but myself, actually. I have a hard time saying exactly what I mean most of the time. I think part of my problem is not really thinking before letting it come out my mouth... it comes into my brain and on my lips before I can seemingly stop or revise it. I am pretty sure I have SAD... ya know, season depression? It was rainy for about 3-4 days and I just felt so unmotivated, like I was doing the same thing over and over and over and getting nowhere at it. I actually really enjoy fall and the beautiful colors it brings with the crisp air. I just don't like day after day of clouds and not going anywhere or doing anything outside of my house. I guess my dilemma is going to a dr about it... which I really do not want to do. I don't like going to dr's where they poke and prod at you and ask you questions you never thought you'd have to answer. And I can deal with the depression most of the time. I just have to make myself go outside (which is good because then my kids get outside and burn off some energy so they don't drive me quite so crazy being stir crazy inside). My mom is always one to put on a happy face no matter what when someone outside of our family is around her and I've kind of picked that up. Don't get me wrong, my mom is usually a very happy individual, but she has some kind of a switch... like I remember her being mad at us kids (undoubtedly deserved) and then the phone would ring and she'd take a breath, clear her voice, and answer in her usual cheery voice. I'm usually pretty good at putting up a front too. Ya know, the whole thing, fake it 'til you make it? I try to do that because wallowing in selfpity sure doesn't get me anywhere. Anyway, I usually don't make depressing posts like these because they can be pretty, well, depressing, but it really feels good to let my thoughts go through my fingers and see it in writing, so thanks for letting me get all this out. It's been good.
posted by Melissa @ 12:20 PM
4 Comments:
Ah, writing as therapy. Yep, it's a proven tonic. Nothing like it, so you keep at it girl. Glad to hear you're no different than anyone else when it comes to cloudy days. That's one of the reasons I love Utah -- all the sunny days we have.
And, I don't think it is a front or a ruse as much as it is just making up your mind that you're not going to wallow in the negative. Isn't it interesting that we can change the way we react? That we have choice and that NO ONE can MAKE us feel mad, sad, disappointed, or even happy, glad, or joyful? We CHOOSE all those things! Hard to remember that truth when you are in the moment of choice, but if you can, you can enjoy every minute of every day.
Melissa,
Thank you for sharing this, I have felt a bit down as well as of late...I think the key is to choose what we will do and turn down (nicely) anything else that we don't feel like we should be saddled with at that time.
You are an incredible person who has that same ability as your mom (though maybe not quite the six person volume Karol has). Don't ever forget how much of an optomist you really are!
-Jay
Melissa,
You are such an awesome person. I just love you, I really do! I too, feel unmotivated to do the things I need to on dark cloudy days. But when I do them anyway, it makes me feel so much better about myself. Sometimes I think when I don't feel like dong something that's important, that is the moment that really counts...that's when we need to do it most. If you feel like going to a doctor, just go and talk to him. There have been many times I have thought about seeing a doctor. Each person has such different situations, and so many of the same at the same time. You are a sweetheart. Let's get together soon! :)
Hello,
I am tim from Germany. I like soccer and blog and bratvurst. When i grow up I want to be like David Hasselhoff. Do you know him>? Are you American? PS I know you husband, he is so cool and he taught me German and English and Maori and Tibetan. He is like a brother to me! Or maybe and Uncle, or cousin, or a former roomate...
:)
-Jay
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