The unknown...

The unknown is really what kills me. I hate not knowing! It feels like I am in limbo right now about a couple things. As many of you know we are trying for baby number 3. I am supposed to start my period on the 27th, but I FEEL pregnant. Tired all the time, hungry more than usual, ornery (blushing in shame)... but I am easily pursuaded to think I am pregnant when I'm really not. So, I have to wait 5 days to see if I am or not and I just want to KNOW!

The other big unknown is Jay's job... not going to go into detail now, and no worries because he still has a job. Part of this for me is not liking change. I'm a big ole baby when it comes to big changes like a job. His grandmother is also looking like she won't be with us for too much longer. We all went and visited her last night and it was hard for me. I got to know her in the last couple years that she has lived here and she just was not herself. After I gave her a kiss as we were leaving she stopped me from just leaving as fast as I could and looked into my eyes... trying to soak it in, it felt like... like she was saying, I love you and always will. I had to fight the tears from springing into my eyes and just tell her I loved her too. It is amazing to me the connection and love I feel for this amazing woman. I know I'm not a blood relative to her... just through marriage, but I truly feel like she is my own grandma. I'm so glad I have gotten to spend the time to get to know her and love her. I would love to figure out a way to name a daughter after her in some way.

I don't really know how to end now, but it felt good to get my feelings down and out in the open, so thanks for letting me do that. :)