Balance

Balance in life is something that I have found is a necessity for me and my happiness.  I went back to work about 3 weeks ago at a scrapbooking store in the mall (Archiver's).  I worked there before I got pregnant with Miles and a job and schedule change for Jay meant that I needed to quit.  I was sort of burnt out with the manager that was there anyway.  So, this job has really helped me have the balance in my life that I need.  I felt like I was being swallowed up by the identity of Mommy.  Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a mom and adore my children.  I love spending time with each and every one of them.  It felt to me like my entire life was just about them (cleaning up messes, changing diapers, feeding, dealing with accidents in underwear, cleaning up messes, did I mention cleaning up messes??? even my hobby (scrapbooking) revolves around them).  I almost felt like I was losing myself and who I was to become just Mommy.  I would spend almost all my time that I wasn't taking care of one of them on the computer IMing with other scrapbookers who are states away or reading blogs of some people I have never even met (most I have ;) ).  Pretty much just trying to escape.  So, Jay would come home from work and the house would be a mess because I would just run out of motivation to clean it again and he would clean it.  Anyway, I started to slip into depression and getting a job seemed exciting and a way for me to A) contribute to the family's income B) get some serious adult interaction without kids around and C) Jay to get some one-on-one time with the kids (not that he didn't do that before, but this was just a little extra bonus).  So, I guess my point is that I have found balance and I finally feel like I am happy more than I'm not happy.